Finding a way
by half-as-pretty-twice-as-drunk
Summary: Nikki/Tom. Being alone was all she had ever known. Nikki's hiding something, he knows she is. Through all the pain and confusion of the past, will Nikki and Tom ever find a way to be together?
1. Oblivious

**Tom/Nikki. **

**First fanfiction, hope you like it. My own take on Waterloo Road.**

**"She buried her face in his shoulder as he held her. All that she could think was that she needed him. She needed his arms around her, needed him to hold her and whisper that they'd find a way to be together, someday…" -the last song.**

Josh walked out of the school gates vigilantly. Eugene was up to something, he knew he was. Finn had clearly enraged Eugene, by betraying him and his gang. Just then, he saw them standing across the road. Josh sped up, trying to get away. They caught him.

"You're Sharky's mate, aren't ya?" Eugene squared up to him, making him tremble with fear.

"What do you want?" Josh said with a quiver in his voice.

"Finn grassed, now the police are all over us. Someone's gotta pay." He pointed at Josh, walking closer and shoving him back.

Nikki walked around the corner out of the gates. She saw them, dropped her bag and ran. She didn't think, just ran past the gang and held Josh in her arms.

"Come on lads, were done here." Eugene smirked.

"Miss Boston, thank you so much! I have no idea what they would have…" He observed Nikki's face, her eyelids gently closed and her hand clutched to her waist. Josh looked down at the blood seeping through her clean, white shirt.

He knew he should go for help, but after all Nikki had done for him, Josh was not going to leave her side. He fell to the ground, holding her in his arms, tears dripping down his cheeks. Josh picked up his phone and dialled 999, as Tom came around the corner, oblivious of what just happened. He saw Josh, saw the blood and immediately assumed the worst. He hurried over to his son, checking he was alright. Josh turned his head; Tom noticed the tears running down his cheeks.

"Dad…" Josh whispered. "It happened so fast…" Tom looked at Nikki. Her breath was heavy, her hands icy. He brushed her hair off her face, as tears welled up in his eyes.

"What happened?" Tom whispered, directing the question at Josh as he peered down at her wound.

"They stabbed her." He replied in a hushed tone.

"I'm not gonna lose you Nikki," He said as she lay unconscious. "I'm not gonna lose you like I lost Izzy."


	2. Memories that haunt us

Nicki woke, cold beads of sweat running down her face. There was a buzz of noise surrounding her, voices that she could barely make out. She closed her eyes, the images of her nightmare still fresh in her mind.

_She ran, she ran as fast as she could, but she was too late. Josh was lying on the floor as she kneeled by his side, grazing her knees against the cold, dry pavement. She bundled him into her arms, sobbing. Nikki loved Josh, she loved him like her own son. She hadn't realised how much he meant to her, until he was dead in her arms. Motionless. Her vision blurred. The only thing Nikki could see was Josh, his heartbeat slowing. She prayed he would be ok, she prayed he would come back to her. It was enough losing her sister, she wasn't going to lose Josh too._

"_NO!" Tom shouted. He ran over to sit by the side of his son, pushing Nikki out of the way. As usual, she felt unwanted. Unwanted by the world. "This is YOUR fault. Nikki if you could have just got her ONE second sooner…"_

"Nikki," Tom whispered, waking her from her daydream. "Nikki it's me, Tom." His smile was warm and gentle. "How are you feeling?"

"Err…" Nikki frowned, rubbing her eyes fully awake. "I don't know. How long have I been here?"

"About two weeks. You had a bad concussion, as well as…" He pointed down at the wound on her waist. It was still fresh. It hurt as she ran her fingers down the rigid scar.

"Is Josh ok?" She asked. Josh had a bright future ahead of him, but he needed guidance, protection. His schizophrenia had made him more vulnerable. Nikki knew what schizophrenia could make someone crumble; make a positive young person turn against themselves.

"He's fine, just a bit shaken up as anyone would be." He perched on the end of her hospital bed. "I wish you'd stop thinking about everyone else and worry about yourself for a change." He playfully punched her smooth, tanned arm.

"I don't worry about myself, because I don't care about myself. How else do you think I could have joined the army?" She looked at Tom. He could see something in her eyes, something more than pain. As if she had been through so much and seen so much, that she didn't care about the world anymore. Tom couldn't say anything, words didn't work with Nikki; you had to show her you cared, show her you would be there for her. He just looked into her deep blue eyes, filled with sadness and thought. He thought about what could be causing her beautiful eyes to be so dead, so emotionless. He found his mind straying away from her eyes and onto her lips. Her cherry red lips smiled at him, hiding so much. Hiding things that nobody would ever understand. Tom then thought about that day. The day she was viciously attacked for no reason other than protecting his son. That was his job, not hers and Nikki got hurt for doing his duties. He then thought about Izzy. He thought how much he wanted to be the one by her side as she was dying; telling her everything would be ok, even though he knew it wasn't going to be. His eyes still firmly attached to Nikki's, he wondered whether to kiss her, as he had wanted to do for quite some time now, or to leave her alone with her thoughts. He chose to walk away.


	3. The past

**Writing this half asleep, watching series 4 of Waterloo Road. I miss Rachel Mason so much. Come back please? :(**

**Anyway, next installment of Finding a way, please read and review!**

"_Mum, where's Alice?" Nikki asked, entering her living room. She hadn't seen her fourteen year old sister since she had come in an hour ago, and was beginning to get concerned._

"_How should I know?" Her drunken mother laughed, throwing back yet another bottle of vodka._

"_Because she's your daughter?" She replied, raising her voice slightly. Her mother was hopeless. Since Nikki's father died, she drunk all day and cried herself to sleep at night._

"_Alice!" Nikki shouted as she jogged up the narrow staircase. She got to her little sister's bedroom and rammed her fist against the door. "Open up, it's me."_

_No answer. Usually, her soothing voice would calm her sister, Alice would open the door and leap into the open arms of her protective older sibling. This time, no answer._

"_Alice?" She whispered, pressing her ear against the wooden door. Out of all the family, Alice was dealing with the loss of her father the worst. She didn't sleep or eat, she never talked to anyone but Nikki. Her big sister, the one who took care of her, because her mother couldn't care less._

"_Nikki…" She whispered. "I'm sorry, I just can't." Alice choked, forcing back the tears that were welling up in her eyes as she took the final, toxic mouthful of the alcohol. Nikki knew. She just knew what her sister was doing. Alcohol was too easy to get in their house, and it would be the easiest way to soothe the pain they all felt. She stayed away from this path of no return, because Nikki was smarter than Alice. She knew what alcohol could do to someone. Her mother convinced her it was good for her condition, it helped. Nikki rammed her fist harder on the door, she heard no movement inside._

_As she finally managed to break the lock, she pushed the door wide open. Alice was lying on the floor, her eyes dead, her skin pale. Her silk nightie barely covered the deep scars on her white legs. Ridges in her smooth skin that Nikki had never noticed before. Her jet black hair carelessly fell past her shoulders, down to her waist, and caressed her petite figure._

"_I love you." Nikki whispered, holding her sister close in her arms, tears falling against the dark, wood floor. She heard her mother knock at the door, begging and willing her to open it. Nikki stayed. She was not leaving her little sister's side, no matter what. _

"_Nikki, open up!" She shouted over and over again, completely hammered as usual. Her voice shrill and cold. "Nikki!"_

"Nikki," This voice was unlike her dream, this voice was soft and gentle. "Nikki it's Tom can I come in?"

"Yeah." She mumbled, still half asleep, but shaken from her nightmare. She'd been having nightmares a lot lately, probably just the traumatic experience she had about a fortnight ago. If being stabbed didn't cause nightmares, what would? Nikki opened her eyes, waking up to the now familiar surroundings of Tom's spare bedroom.

"Hi." He smiled, hovering by the door holding a large tray. She could see egg and beans on toast, assorted jams and a steaming cup of coffee. "I thought you could use this." He handed her the large mug, which she gladly accepted, gulping half of it down in one unladylike swallow.

"Tom, you didn't have to do this." She said quietly as he attempted to balance the tray on his one hand, spilling half the content onto her clean linen sheets. Tom really was funny. And lovely. And rather good looking.

"Breakfast? That's the least I can do." He beamed, perching on the end of the bed.

"Not just breakfast." She smiled back sweetly. Tom had been so lovely to her since the hospital let her out. He didn't have to offer to take care of Nikki, but he did. He wanted to. She was reluctant at first, afraid it would ruin her reputation as the hard ex-army English teacher who packs quite a punch, but he eventually used his persuasion skills to bribe her to stay.

"I'll leave you to eat then." Tom said, standing up quickly and breaking the awkward silence between them. They always had long silences. They didn't have to say anything to each other, just being in each other's company was enough to make them both smile. He shut the door behind him and leant against it. Just being close to Nikki made his heart flutter.

Even though he convinced himself that they were just really, really close friends.


	4. No one understands

Tom and Josh arrived home. Josh threw his school bag on the stairs and ran up to his room.

"Any homework?" Tom shouted up to him.

"No dad, and if I had some I'd do it." He shouted back, slamming his bedroom door behind him.

Tom walked into the living room where Nikki had made herself comfortable, biscuits resting on the arm of the sofa, mug of coffee in her hand, watching a movie. He swore he could see the faintest tear creeping out of her eye onto her cheek.

"You alright?" He said, startling her.

"Yeah," She smiled, sitting upright and rubbing the tear from her eye. "I'm fine. Why?"

"Hard army woman Miss Boston crying at a film?" He teased, sitting on the sofa next to her.

"Shut up." She jested back playfully, pausing the movie. "How could you not cry at an officer and a gentleman? Just because I was in the army, doesn't mean I don't have a soul."

"Which bit you on?" He looked at the image frozen on the screen.

"When his best friend…you know." She sighed. "It always gets me."

"I cried at that bit too. You tell no one." He smiled, trying to lighten the mood.

"I won't." She smiled back half-heartedly. "I guess it just brings back memories. I shouldn't watch it really, but I love the film so much."

"Memories of what?" He asked.

"My sister." She whispered.

"You have a sister?" Tom sounded surprised that she hadn't mentioned this before. He thought he knew Nikki so well.

"Had a sister." She sighed again heavily. "She was fourteen…"

"Nikki, you don't have to…" Tom started, before she carried on.

"I got home from school, did my homework like a good girl then once I was done, looked for Alice." She started. "Mom was drunk as usual and claimed she hadn't seen her; as far as she was concerned, she was up in her room playing her guitar as she always did. I walked upstairs and knocked on her door. She usually answered straight away, threw the door open and wrapped her arms around me. Not this time. I couldn't hear her moving. I was scared. I rammed the door open and found her. Her hand loosely holding onto a vodka bottle, and behind her there were four or five more, all empty."

Nikki didn't look upset. No pain in her navy blue eyes. She looked like all the pain she had once felt was put to the back of her mind, hoping if it was hidden away, she never had to see it again.

"Nikki…" Tom started to try and comfort her, but his efforts failed.

"Don't Tom. I don't need your pity." She grumbled, walking off up to her room, her face like thunder.

Little did he know that when she had shut the door, she collapsed onto the floor in a heap, wrapped her long, tanned arms around her legs and cried.


	5. In your arms

**"'We're all right, you know,' he says quietly. 'You and me. Okay?' My chest aches, and I nod. 'Nothing else is all right.' His whisper tickles my cheek. 'But we are.'" — Insurgent, Chapter 5.**

**This chapter isn't very full of fluff, sorry! Will have a fluffier (Fluffier? More fluffy?) Chapter soon, honest! I cried as I wrote this. Don't you hate it when you get attached to a fictional character? **

…

**I guess it's just me then. Nikki Boston ily.**

**One last note: thank you for the reviews; really means a lot. I squeal every time I get one, in some weird high-pitched voice I didn't know I had.**

"Nikki, open up." Tom knocked gently on the door to his spare bedroom, willing her to come out, as he had been trying to for the past hour. He looked down at his watch and sighed. Midnight. "Please." He pleaded.

Nikki opened the door slightly, revealing only a mascara stained tear in the corner of her sparkling blue eyes. She stood there, not saying a word because to be honest, she had no idea what to say. Tom didn't deserve to be snapped at, but some things she couldn't talk about without exposing her vulnerable side. She really liked Tom, that wasn't in question. Her life was just too complex for anyone to understand. To some, it would seem so simple, but to Nikki, her life was more that she could handle.

"Please." He whispered gently. Nikki opened the door, revealing the mascara stains that had fallen down her bronzed cheeks. She didn't say a thing, just sat on her bed, vacantly staring at a spot on the carpet in front of her. He sat tentatively on the end of the bed, not wanting to overcrowd her.

"Why push me away?" His voice sounded slightly hurt, unsure of her earlier actions.

"I didn't push you away, I just didn't let you in." She said quietly. "You just wouldn't understand."

"Try me." He smiled weakly. Tom had been through quite a bit of trauma, loosing Lorna, Izzy and Sam. It seemed like everyone he loved, he lost. That scared him.

Usually, if someone had come out with that, Nikki would have refused completely, told them to leave her alone and storm off. Not Tom. There was something about him that soothed her, she wasn't afraid to talk to him.

"Blamed for everything." She whispered, the faintest tear trickling down her cheek as she spoke, a shake in her voice. "Never good enough."

"For who?" He edged closer to her, restraining himself not to fling his arms around her and hold her close.

"Everyone." Her voice grew even quieter. Tom inferred that talking about her past was almost impossible.

"What do you mean Nikki?" His voice started to quiver. Nikki said nothing, she wasn't good with words. She just stood up, facing away from him and dropped her ripped jeans in a heap on the floor, revealing numerous deep ridges in her smooth thighs.

Nikki's heart ached as she stood not being able to see his reaction, but being too scared to turn around. He gently reached his hand out, running his fingers along the scars, sending shocks of electricity down her spine. He ran his index finger down every imperfection, studying every line intently. Nikki was shocked at herself. She had shown her inner most secrets, on the outside of her body to someone she had only known for four months. She had never shown anyone her scars, she was afraid people would judge her. He heard her sniffle, and saw a tear drop down and hit the floor, soaked up by the cream carpet. Followed by another, then several more. Tom enclosed his hand around her wrist, turning her to face him. He pulled her softly towards him, sitting her down at his side. Nikki placed her head against his chest as he wrapped his arms around her thin waist. Her deep blue eyes, now faded, absent of colour grew tired as she fell asleep in his embrace.


	6. Heartbeats

**So sorry I haven't updated, I went on holiday for four days and I had no internet connection, but I still took my laptop and wrote a few more chapters!**

**This chapter is dedicated to hedgieX, because I know how much she loves Tom and Nikki, almost as much as me. ;) I encourage you all to read her fic about them called Bleeding love; it's fantastic.**

**Anyway…hope you all like the next instalment of Finding a way. And please read my other fic It isn't all she's hiding, it's about Rachel Mason's inner demons.**

Tom wakened, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He frowned as he reviewed his surroundings, Nikki's room. He felt her stir slightly next to him, wrapping her long, tanned arms around his ribcage, still asleep. He observed her, brunette hair gently framing her face, rosy lips somewhat smiling. She looked peaceful. Beautiful. Tom knew he needed to keep these thoughts to himself, and make sure he didn't blurt them out in a sudden drunken state one night, because if she knew what was going through his head right now, she might possibly murder him. He scarcely touched her face, stroking her cheek and listening to her breathe. He placed his hand on Nikki's, interlocking his fingers with hers. Doing this, he woke her softly. As Nikki opened her sapphire eyes, she looked at his face, noticed her hands in his and pulled away, embarrassed. Tom didn't say anything, just gently draped his arm over her shoulder, pulling her into his grasp. She didn't resist, just closed her eyelids again, showing a side Tom hadn't seen of her before. Vulnerability. The quilt slipped off her bare shoulder, revealing a small tattoo, writing scrawled across the blade inside a star.

"What's this?" Tom asked, running his finger across the letters.

"I got it when I was eighteen, Alice loved stars. She drew stars all over everything, her schoolbooks, her diary, her mirror, everything." She whispered, a faint tear appearing in her eye.

"I bet she'd love this." He smiled warmly, wiping the tear that had now exited her eye and dropped onto her cheek away with his thumb.

"She does." Nikki exhaled deeply, closing her eyes as if she was completely comfortable, there, with him.

"Good." He smiled, tightening his grasp around her waist. Tom loved being with Nikki. He didn't need to be kissing her, or making love to her, or even be in a relationship with her to be happy. He just needed to be with her, in her company, holding her. Although he knew deep down, he would love to call her his. "Nikki, what was she like?"

"Nothing that special really. But she meant the world to me. Long black hair, bright blue eyes, freckles dotted across her nose. She was beautiful, but she couldn't see it. Not after everything that happened." She sighed, looking up at the ceiling.

"What happened?" He asked, anxious to know more about Nikki's family and past. Tom had thought he was so connected to her, but after this week, he was beginning to reconsider how well he really knew her.

"She didn't deserve any of it." She said faintly, hoping he wouldn't hear the pain and shake in her voice. He deserved to know more about her, but Nikki struggled to open up to anyone, no matter who they were. She was reliant on herself and no one else. That was all she ever knew. She was now beginning to reconsider if being alone was for her, or if Nikki needed someone to take care of her and comfort her. Someone like Tom. "The bullying, assault…" She trailed off.

"What do you mean Nikki?" He whispered, looking concerned. She took a deep intake of breath, before deciding to reveal all.

"She was bullied by loads of the kids at her school. I knew, but I just didn't know what to do. Mom was always drunk, so she never cared what happened to either of us, that's why I left home when I was sixteen. A year after Alice died." She said, choking back tears.

"You left home when you were sixteen?" He repeated, Nikki nodded. He tentatively asked her to open up even more than she just had. "Why was she bullied?"

"They kicked her until she fell to the ground and pinned her arms down, pulled a pen out, and scrawled that word across her forehead. Kids are _so_ cruel." Her voice started to shake again, so Tom held her tighter and closer. "Queer. Because she was..." She gulped, before uttering the words. "a _queer_, she got bullied for it. I found her in the toilets, furiously scrubbing the word off her head, crying harder than I'd ever seen anyone cry. I just held her. I didn't know what else to do."

"I hate that word." Tom said quietly. "Queer, it sounds so normal, but to Josh, it almost ruined his life."

"Every day. Every day they would shout it at her, and the teachers didn't even care. They were against homosexuality and lesbianism completely, so what did it matter to them? It only mattered when it was the main cause of her suicide. That was the only time anyone cared." She said, wiping a faint tear from Tom's cheek.

"He used to come home, crying into his pillow, broken down by their cruelty. It's just _not_ fair." He said, now slight rage to his voice instead of sadness. Nikki held his hand, pulling it close to her chest so he could feel her heart beating. The heart he really, really hoped beats for him.


	7. Childish games

Michael smiled broadly as Josh briskly walked into the gates of Waterloo Road.

"Sorry I'm late sir." Josh said, looking his head teacher in the eye.

"It's not me you should be apologising to; you've got to deal with Mr Budgen." He laughed. "Where's your dad?"

"In the car with Miss Boston." He shouted back as he ran off down the corridor. Michael walked over to Tom's car, parked against the metal railings at the entrance to the school. Nikki looked down at her feet, sighing deeply.

"You don't have to come back yet Nikki, not if you're not ready." Tom whispered, moving his hand from the gear stick to interlock his fingers with hers.

"I need to Tom. I've been off for a month." She said, directing her gaze towards Michael, who was now approaching the passenger window. Nikki rolled her eyes, she really didn't like Michael. There was just something about him that put her on edge.

"Let me deal with him." He smiled warmly, reluctantly letting go of her hand as he stepped out of the car.

"Tom," Michael smiled. "How is she?"

"Still a bit shaky. You understand why." Tom said, looking back at Nikki who was now rummaging around in her bag for something. Probably just distracting herself from listening in on their conversation.

"Of course, maybe we just put her in the staffroom for today, to get re-familiarised with the surroundings." He offered.

"I don't think she'd go for that." Tom laughed half-heartedly. "You know how she is."

"I suppose so. If she needs anything, make sure she doesn't hesitate to come me." Michael waved at Nikki, who reluctantly waved back. Tom nodded; hiding the fact that he really didn't want Michael to be the person she went to when she had a problem. Even if he was the head, Tom wanted her to go to him.

Michael approached the car, kneeling down by the passenger window.

"Nikki," He smiled widely. "Good to have you back."

"It's good to be back, there's only so much daytime telly you can take before it drives you insane." She laughed unenthusiastically, making it clear to Michael that she didn't want to speak to him. It took effort to make conversation, and Nikki didn't want to waste her breath on someone she didn't care about. She'd much rather talk to someone who really cared about her, someone who wasn't just looking after a member of his staff. She smiled at Tom, who walked past Michael to open the door for her. She stepped out reluctantly, grabbing his arm as she did. Michael steadied her as she wobbled, holding his arm around her waist.

"I can hold myself up thanks." She said sharply, shaking free of his grasp. His fingers were bony and cold, unforgiving and harsh. Tom looked at Michael, willing him to leave, so he did.

"You ok?" Tom asked, still holding onto her hand tightly.

"I'll be fine." She laughed. "Honestly. You worry too much Tom."

"I'm just trying to help." He said, sarcastically holding his hands up and stepping away.

"Alright, if it means that much to you I'll let you take me to the staffroom." She chuckled, walking over to link arms with him. He took her arm, placing his free hand on the bridge of her back, guiding her towards the entrance to the school.

Her walk was still unstable, her hands shaking. Tom didn't want to leave her alone, he couldn't bear to see her struggling. As he was on his free period and so was she, he walked her to the empty staffroom and started making them both a drink. Nikki had taken herself to sit on the sofa, her hands clasped together on her stomach.

"Coffee?" He offered, shouting over the boiling kettle.

"Would love one thanks." She smiled, placing her hand on her forehead.

"You ok?" Tom asked, bringing the mug over and placing it in her hands. She took a sip, slightly scalding her mouth on the boiling hot drink.

"Just got a bit of a headache. Blimey Tom, you pick up on every little thing." She giggled, dunking half of her chocolate biscuit in his tea.

"Hey!" He laughed as she dropped the one half of her biscuit into the mug as he jolted her accidently.

"Tea goes better with chocolate. Now look what you made me do!" She gestured with her hand, knocking the boiling hot beverage all over Tom's trousers as she did. He stood up, giving her a devious look.

"You're dead." He stood in front of her as she backed away. Nikki loved the banter she had with Tom, they acted like children around each other, like they weren't afraid to be themselves completely. She got up, backing away from him, her lips turning up at the sides before turning into a full grin. She tried to run, but he soon caught up with her. After the fun run scenario, Nikki had underestimated how fast Tom really was. She leant against the bookshelf, realising she couldn't run for much longer, the staffroom was only small anyway. He stood against the wall opposite, out of breath. Tom tried to walk towards her, but tripped on an uneven area of the carpet, so his hands were either side of her head, his body pressed against hers. There was nothing stopping him from kissing her, feeling her lips interlocked with his. Would either one of them throw rationality out of the window, and admit how crazy they were for each other? Or would they both just hide their feelings away, as they always did?


	8. I'll never let go

**So sorry i haven't updated in a while, got a bit of writers block. Hope you enjoy this chapter!**

They stood in dead silence. The only sound was from the ticking of the clock. Neither one of them were brave enough to make the first move, but neither one of them were cowardly enough to walk away. Tom felt his one hand drift down to her waist, as if he had completely thrown rationality out of the window. Nikki kept her eyes firmly fixated on his, not blinking, just looking at him as he ran his fingers through her silky brunette hair. She placed her hand on his as he edged closer. Their lips nearly touching, Tom could feel her breath on his skin. She pushed herself closer into his body, nervous as hell, but ecstatic at the same time. He imagined what the next few seconds would be like. Running his fingers through her hair, holding her close to him, wrapping his arms around her waist, not being able to tell where his lips ended and hers started.

'Perfect timing. Fire alarm.' Nikki said sarcastically to herself as they forced themselves apart. They knew this wasn't a drill. Michael would have mentioned if they were having a drill in the morning assembly. They ran towards the door, both reaching for the handle at the same time, brushing hands before Tom retaliated, letting her go first.

"What the hell happened?" Tom shouted over the racket of kids screaming and laughing to Maggie.

"The oven caught fire." Maggie shouted, trying to get the children out of the lunch hall and away from the blazing fire. "It's getting worse Tom, get them all out!"

"Oy!" Tom shouted, the buzz of noise coming to a halt. "This, as you can probably tell, is not a drill. Everybody make your way to the front of the school and line up in your form groups. Don't panic, we just need to get you all safe." He carried his voice across the room as he herded groups of children out of the building.

As the groups of children lined up outside, the teachers calling the register, praying all of their form were there.

"Shona Mansfield?" Sian called out, walking down the long line of pupils. "Shona?"

"Miss, Rhona isn't here either." Em said, looking around her for a sighting of her best friends. Sian turned round to see the girls running out of the front of the school, and to her surprise, over to Tom instead of her.

"Sir! It's Miss Boston; I think she got trapped in the lunch hall!" Rhona coughed, catching her breath.

"Go and line up girls," Tom tried to remain calm. "I'll find her."

He ran back into the school, shaking free from Michael's grasp as he grabbed his arm and yelled at him to come back. He was not going to just leave Nikki in there.

He ran through the school, opening every door to every class, hoping he would find her. Tom approached the hall, trying to fight breathing in the deadly smoke. He pushed the tables aside, peering through the smoke to look for her.

"Nikki!" He shouted, coughing and spluttering as he did. The smoke was harmful, thick and heavy. "Nikki!"

"Tom." She whispered, looking into his eyes. A genuine look of fear on her face, flames surrounding her. "Jodie…is she ok?"

"What? Scout?" He said, confused as he tried to put out the flames surrounding Nikki with his jacket, trying to free her from the fiery cage ensnaring her.

"She came to help me but I shouted at her to leave. She ran, I don't know whether she got out or not." Nikki coughed, shielding herself from the flames blazing around her. "Go and find her Tom."

He stood his ground, he knew he should look for Scout, she was a pupil and it was his duty to protect her, but he couldn't leave Nikki. He could see tears welling up in her eyes. Tom reached towards her, offering her his hand. She took it, holding on as hard as she could before her legs gave way, her body fragile and broken down. He wrapped his arms around her, grasping her back firmly with both his hands, pulling her towards the exit, to safety.

"Sir, is Miss Boston gonna be ok?" Shona asked Michael, both girls concerned about the wellbeing of their favourite teacher.

"I'm sure she'll be fine." Michael replied. He stared at the front of the school as the fire engines appeared. He saw Tom approaching, Nikki in his arms.

"Thank you Tom." She whispered, squeezing him tightly.

"Anytime." He smiled, gently kissing her forehead. But, he lost control of his actions, and his lips linked with hers.


	9. Scarred

Nikki unlocked the door, the hallway still smelt of lavender, just the way she left it five weeks ago. She held the front door open for Tom, who was struggling with numerous boxes full of her clothes and items she'd taken with her to his. Five weeks Nikki had been living with Tom, but for some reason, it felt like longer. She felt like she had got to know him so much over the past month. They had grown closer, she was sure of it.

"Coffee?" She offered, heaving the last box into her living room. Strangely, Nikki's house is nothing like Tom had imagined it. He imagined clean white sofas and granite work surfaces, probably because of her directness, not saying she was in any way straight forward.

"Why not." He smiled, looking around at her flat. It was small, cosy. The walls were painted cream, welcoming and homely, just like her hospitality.

"Make yourself comfortable." She shouted over the boiling kettle. Tom walked into the front room, where a picture on her mantelpiece caught his eye. It was of a young girl, about fourteen. Long, dark brunette hair in tousled ringlets, ghostly pale skin and blood red lips. She fitted the description of Alice perfectly.

Nikki came in, holding two mugs of coffee. As soon as she realised Tom's eyes were fixated on that picture, the smile disappeared off her face.

"Alice?" He asked, picking up the picture and peering closer.

"No." She whispered, sounding uncomfortable. She bit her lip and closed her eyes tightly, as if she was re-living something, some sort of past pain. Will she ever be free from her horrific past? She looked into her coffee cup, tracing the rim with her index finger.

"Who then?" He gently touched her arm, sending shivers down her spine, still grasping the picture in his one hand as he sat down on the sofa next to her. Nikki looked at it, the same picture that she had refused to look at since she put it there, was now staring her in the face. The girl was wearing a tightly fitting red velvet dress that flared out at the waist, revealing the fact that you could see her ribcage through her less than size 6 figure. She was pulling the dress down over her knees, biting her lip in the same way Nicki just had. Then it hit Tom. It wasn't Alice, it was Nikki. The girl in the picture didn't look anything like her. Bony and unhealthily skinny. You could see her shoulder blades sticking out like sharp knives as her shoulders were hunched over, yanking the dress down over the deep red, fresh scars on the back of her thighs.

"It's you." He said, a faint smile appeared on his face as he reached out for her hand. Nikki averted from his glance, looking straight at the wall in front of her.

"You say that like it's a good thing. I was a bloody broken down mess. I still am." She whispered, her voice fainter from the last time. Tom felt like he was losing her, losing her to the demons of her past, dragging them further and further apart. A mascara stained tear dripped down her cheek, followed by a couple more, then a couple more. Tom was rapidly discovering that Nikki had hidden a lot more from him than he first expected. She was an emotional wreck, he knew that, but he didn't care. No secret, no matter how dark, would keep him from her. Tom wrapped his arms around her, saying nothing, just holding her as she cried. What could he say? I'm sorry? It wasn't something you could just say sorry to, it was Nikki's life, no one could change that, no matter how sorry they were.

"I starved myself." She said, gulping back the tears to get her words out. "To make me feel like I was good enough. Good enough for my parents, good enough to live up to Alice's standards. I don't know why I cared about my parents, my mom was a drunk and dad…"

"What about your dad?" He questioned, still holding her in his embrace.

"My family was absolutely…dysfunctional. I hated my parents, _so_ much." She said as the tears started filling up in her eyes again. "My dad didn't deserve us. He abused me and Alice, but I was his main victim."

Tom noticed something. Something he hadn't seen before. A bracelet on her left wrist. Engraved with the words 'never forgotten.'

"Who?" He looked her in the eyes as he placed his hand over the bracelet. Nikki looked down, biting her lower lip again, this time harder, as if she was in even more pain.

"My little baby girl." She whispered, choking back the tears. "I'm a lot more complicated than you thought, huh?" Nikki gave a slight giggle, hiding the fact that talking about her little girl was killing her. She didn't want to have an abortion, she had convinced herself that she was completely against it. But she couldn't keep the little girl that belonged to her sick father, the father that almost made her commit suicide.

"Who was the father?" Tom asked, begging the answer to his question wasn't what he was thinking of.

"My father." She said, refusing to hide back the tears anymore. He hugged her even tighter as she sobbed into his shirt, mascara staining the pocket.

Tom whispered in her ear softly as he comforted her. "No matter how hard you've fallen, I will always catch you." She looked up, her eyes red, her emotions muddled. But something inside Nikki just clicked. Something made her put her arms around him, and just kiss him tenderly, and of course Tom didn't retaliate. For the first time in her life, Nikki felt someone finally understood, understood everything. Even though everything about her was messed up, he still loved her.

Little did Tom know, he wasn't getting Nikki's full story, he still had a lot to learn.


	10. Words hurt, you know

**Ok, so I realised I needed a bit of fluff in this chapter, because let's face it, my last few chapters have been a bit heavy. So, I hope you enjoy my fluffy chapter of Finding a Way. I apologise if the fluff disappears towards the end, I'm awful at happiness. Reviews are always appreciated!**

He stirred, trying to free his hands to stretch, but Tom couldn't move. He screwed his face up, adjusting his eyes to the light pouring in through the closed curtains. Tom looked down, and realised a living room sofa had never been so comfortable. He watched as Nikki peacefully slept, her eyes closed tightly, her hands wrapped around his waist. Why did they always end up falling asleep together, arms wrapped around each other, neither of them wanting to move? Nikki mumbled something under her breath sleepily, as if she hadn't properly woken up. She stretched her arms and started to open her eyes, regaining consciousness, realising she was lying in his arms. As she tried to wriggle free, Tom tightened his grasp, hoping she wouldn't run away. Every time they got closer, Nikki pushed him away. Maybe it was his own insecurities, but he felt she was hiding something from him still. Something big.

"Morning." He whispered, looking into her deep blue eyes.

"Hi." She smiled, his arms still around her waist, and Nikki wasn't going to move them.

There was silence for a moment as they just lay there together. Just lay there, covered over in a tartan blanket, on Nikki's clean white sofa. As his hands encased her ribcage, she jumped up, pushing herself to the other side of the sofa away from him.

"What's wrong?" Tom asked, moving closer to her, gently pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

"It tickled." She laughed slightly, giving a false smile. Why did she always try and sugar coat everything? Nothing is explained with the reason, merely with an excuse.

"Sorry." He whispered into her ear, his breath tickling her neck. Why was Tom so lovely to her? Nikki didn't realise why anyone could be nice to her, or care for her, after everything that she'd been through. Her anorexia, losing the baby, her sister, for anyone else, that would have been too much to handle, they would have walked away. But not Tom. He was different. Maybe even perfect, if a human being could be.

"Nikki, I said do you want a drink?" He shook her shoulder, waking her from her daydream.

"Oh, yeah, thanks." Nikki smiled, her cheeks going a slight shade of cherry red with a hint of crimson as she wondered if he knew she was thinking about him. As Tom left the room, she exhaled deeply.

"Cake?" He called to her.

"No! Thank you." She shouted back, and then looked down at her ribcage. She could see every bone, every gap underneath her skin. It used to make her so happy, so pleased at herself, but now she felt empty when she looked at her body in the mirror.

"_You aren't pretty." The group of girls surrounding her laughed. "You're not skinny enough to be pretty."_

_One of the girls pushed herself forward through the crowd of about five and squared up to Nikki._

"_I'm going to be a model when I'm older. You could never be a model. You're fat and ugly." She pushed five year old Nikki to the ground, pulling on her neat ponytail and pointing at her flat stomach. "Look at your tummy; it's not flat like mine. You'll never get a boyfriend."_

_Words hurt. Nikki knew better than anyone that words hurt you. That poor five year old girl, picked on because she wasn't good enough, she didn't know it would scar her for the rest of her life. She didn't know she would cut her legs to feel something. She didn't know she wouldn't ever be able to pick up a piece of chocolate cake without hearing those words. Feeling that groan in her stomach, every time someone mentioned food, but having to resist, to make herself lovely. Every time she tried to eat, the words echoed in her head. "You could never be a model, you're fat and ugly." The pain would never go away, ever. Every word they ever said, hurt. When she turned thirteen, and understood that girls could be even meaner than that, she began making a record of what they called her. A record on her body. Every single word they called her, scrawled across her stomach and stick thin legs. Fat. Ugly. Stupid. Useless. Dumb. Gay. Unwanted. Worthless._

"Tea, one sugar." Tom smiled, again waking Nikki from her trance.

"I said none, sorry." She smiled back, even though her thoughts were eating her alive, still, after all this time.

"Useless you are!" He laughed. Even though Nikki knew he was teasing, the thoughts came flooding back. Fat. Ugly. Stupid. Useless. Dumb. Gay. Unwanted. Worthless.

Tears formed in her eyes as Tom entered again. She knew he was probably thinking what else could possibly be wrong, but his reaction was different. Different than she expected it to be actually. He walked over to her, wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her firmly, holding her close, not letting go.


	11. Killer

"Morning." Nikki smiled, standing in the doorway to Tom's bedroom. He rubbed his eyes and as they came into focus, saw her. Saw Nikki Boston, standing in the doorway to his bedroom, wearing nothing but an oversized shirt. His shirt. She bit her lip sweetly, her hair messily falling over her eyes as Tom sat up. He pulled the sheets over himself, realising he was naked. The expression on his face when he realised this made Nikki giggle. Her laugh was warm, for once she didn't sound like ex-army woman Miss Boston. She sat on the edge of the bed and curled her long, tanned legs underneath her.

"What time is it?" Tom asked, stretching slightly.

"Got to be somewhere?" She asked sarcastically, but Tom didn't hear that tone in her voice, he was too busy staring at her. Observing the way she moved, the way she scrunched up her face when she smiled.

"Don't think so," He thought. "I wouldn't leave anyway."

Nikki smiled broadly as he kissed her forehead. Tom was one of the only people she could trust, and the only person who could help her. _He _would stop if he knew about Tom; surely. But she couldn't be sure, could she? She couldn't be sure he wouldn't stop trying to get her back. He might find her, and then…

"Coffee?" Tom asked, placing his hand on hers, separating Nikki from her thoughts.

"Yeah. Thanks." She smiled. Hiding the sadness and fear behind that fake smile was something Nikki knew how to do. She'd done that for long enough now. As Tom left the room, she remembered back to that day, the day her life almost slipped away from her for the second time, this time it wasn't her who attempted it.

_She stood in the doorway to her boyfriend's apartment, biting her lip nervously. Why did she come here? Every time he begged, she'd come and be with him, even though he was the reason for the red marks across her back. Those marks hurt so much. Nikki would sit, locked in his bathroom as he slept, crying silently so he didn't hear and hurt her even more. It was as if she was screaming, and no one could hear. She couldn't keep it inside anymore. As he made the final marks across her back, the final marks he would ever make on anybody, she screamed a blood curdling scream. The sort of scream you heard in horror movies, when the killer finally found the poor helpless girl._

"_Shush. My neighbours will hear you." He said, gagging her with his hand. "I've had enough of this."_

_And with that, he pulled the knife out of his pocket, her tears dripping onto the granite floor as he placed the blade on the side of her neck. _

_How did she manage to escape? She was so close to dying, what else could she have done?_

"_Joe…" She cried as she held his body in her arms. "I'm sorry." Nikki loved him, despite everything. She remembered when he was nice to her. When he would take her for long walks on the beach and they would sit up until midnight talking, but then she saw his true colours._

"_It was your fault." She choked back the tears, trying to make excuses for what she'd just done. "If you hadn't hurt me, I wouldn't have had to hurt you."_

_For years after that, she'd been getting the same note. Over and over again, posted through her door. 'I'll get you back, just watch. And when I'm done with you, I'll kill you. Like you tried to kill me. But you failed, didn't you? Because you're a failure.' Nikki had enough. After three years of living in Brighton, too scared to leave her family memories behind, she left._

"Here you go." Tom smiled, walking through the door and placing the mug in her hands.

"Thanks." Nikki said, looking at the floor vacantly, her hands shaking. She could still see his blood dripping down her hands when she looked down.

"Nikki, are you alright?" He asked, kneeling on the floor in front of her, looking into her eyes. The eyes that were usually full of colour and life, looked drained and dead.

"No." She whispered, her eyes now locked with his. "I'm not alright. I'm a mess. It's my fault."

"What's your fault?" He asked, interlocking his fingers with hers, trying to comfort her. Trying to bring the life back into her beautiful blue eyes. Nikki changed her mood so quickly, earlier she was happy, now she was distraught.

"I'm a failure, aren't I Tom?" She said, her hands now shaking uncontrollably.

"Of course you aren't." He whispered, putting his arms around her. "What on earth makes you think that?"

"Because I failed. I failed to save Alice, I failed to get my mom better, and I failed to kill him. I _wish_ I had killed him." A look of hatred and anger appeared on her face.

"Who?" Tom asked, failing to understand what she just said.

"I tried to kill my ex-boyfriend. How could anyone ever love me now? I told you I was messed up, but you didn't listen. You just didn't listen!" She cried, dropping the mug on the floor, watching as it shattered.

"Look at me." Tom said firmly, placing his hand on her cheek. "I'm not leaving, ok? I know that's what you want, but I'm not."

"I'm trying to protect you Tom, don't you see that?" She shouted as mascara stained tears dripped onto his clean white shirt.

"I don't need protecting. I'm not going anywhere." He said definitely.

"But…" Nikki started.

"I'm not going anywhere."


	12. I'll be there for you

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while, had tons of school work to do. Also sorry this chapter is a little depressing, but after this I will include more fluff. Requests for fluff would be appreciated; do you want more Nikki/Tom fluff, or Josh/Nikki fluff? I don't have many light hearted ideas, I have a dark mind *muaahahahahha*. Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter! Please read and review, it makes my day!:)**

_Nikki took one step forward, looking into the water. Crystal clear. Nothing stopping her from just jumping, ending her pain and grief forever. _

"_I've been through too much, and things could never change." Nikki convinced herself, placing her big toe on the surface of the freezing cold water. It was cold enough for you to freeze to death in minutes. It had to end like this. If she lived, she'd have to hide forever. Hide from him. Her ex-boyfriend made her life hell, and the scars of him still covered her body, even though he hadn't been in touch since she'd moved. She missed Alice. Her little sister was the only light in this dark, dark world, and she'd been gone for five years now. _

"_It should have been me." She whispered to herself, tears welling up in her eyes, but not daring to fall. Nikki looked down at the bracelet on her left wrist._

"_Little Emily will see mommy soon." She let the bracelet fall off her wrist into the palm of her hand. "I love you Emily, granddad didn't deserve a beautiful little baby like you."_

_How sick did it sound when she put it that way? 'Granddad'. Emily was the name her father helped her pick out when she was five years old, looking through her parents' old book of baby names._

"_I like this one. Eleanor." Nikki smiled, looking up to her dad with admiration in her eyes. If only she could have stayed so young, so innocent, so naive._

"_You don't want that. This one's better." Her father pointed at the name Emily, it stuck with Nikki, and would for the rest of her life. When she was just three, Nikki promised her daddy that she would always be his little princess, that she would never love anyone else as much as she loved him. His little princess that would never smoke, never drink, and would be a virgin forever. He encouraged her to smoke, drink, and the forced her into being a mother._

"_This is it, one more step and it's over." Nikki said silently to herself. "No one will care. No one ever has." A tear dropped off her cheek, stained with jet black mascara, splashing into the water. Maybe once she'd gone, they would care. Maybe her mother would wish she had noticed her, and her father wish he hadn't. He'd been the main reason for her heartbreak and despair. He knew Nikki had always wanted a baby girl, and he ruined her dream. He would never know how much it had affected his little girl; losing her own baby because of the alcohol he forced her into drinking. The cigarettes he'd forced her into smoking. The abortion he forced her to have. She would never look at her dad the same way again; he'd scarred her body and mind._

_All Nikki remembered the next day was waking up in a hospital bed, unaware of what had happened, no loved ones there to tell her._

The nightmare woke Nikki up. It had been the same every night for the past three days. She'd walk into the water, then it would all turn black, then she'd wake up in hospital. Every night. She sat upright in bed, alone. She hadn't seen Tom since she'd been having the nightmares; she didn't want him to see what it did to her.

It had become a habit. Every night when she was alone or stressed, Nikki would go to the bathroom and sit with her arms draped around the toilet bowl. She'd lift up her forefinger and middle finger and ram them down her throat. Ever since she was seventeen Nikki had suffered with bulimia. It was like a cry for help, she hoped someone would see her, and begs her to stop. A cry to be loved, for someone to want her to be happy. No one had ever cared. Jason didn't care. He'd just watch her and laugh, hitting her across her back leaving red marks. He was truly evil, but Nikki still stayed with him. He was the only person who had ever wanted her, even if he was sick in the head, she couldn't leave. No one else had ever wanted to care, but he made her think he did. When he'd shown his true colours, Nikki couldn't leave. The urge to be wanted, even if just for his own sick little fantasies, was too strong.

"Tom." She whispered, knowing he couldn't hear. Just hearing his name soothed her, made her feel like pain didn't exist. Nikki looked down at her phone, scrolling down to the contact named Tom. Did she dare ring it? What would she say? Can you come over because I've just made myself sick and need someone to feel sorry for me? No, she had to do this on her own. But maybe he could help? Conflicting emotions filled her head, until Nikki finally made the choice.

The phone rung, it was half past eleven, what was she doing? As if he was going to answer.

"Hello?" Tom asked sleepily.

"Tom! I wasn't expecting you to answer…" Nikki's voice shook, as if she was about to burst into tears at any moment.

"Nikki, hi. Are you alright?" He asked worriedly.

"I…I mean…I don't know." Nikki said, her hands shaking.

"I'm coming over." He said definitely, grabbing a coat and his keys.

"No, Tom don't worry. I'll be fine." She said, tears silently falling.

"I'm coming over." He whispered softly, hanging up the phone. Nikki sat there in silence, looking in the mirror. Why was she so screwed up? She had dragged Tom into the portal to her insanely messed up life, and he deserved better. But he wanted her, for some strange reason. Nikki couldn't understand anyone wanting her, wanting to be with her, kiss her lips, hold her tightly, but he did.

Tom peered around the door, making her jump.

"It's ok, it's only me. Shh." His voice was soft and comforting. Tom wrapped his arms around her as she sobbed. He didn't need to know why she was crying, all he needed to know was that Nikki needed him, so he was going to be there.

"I'm sorry." She looked up, her eyes sad and lonely.

"Don't apologise, it's ok." He whispered, pulling her closer as he sat on the bathroom floor with her, just listening to her cry. Those tears you couldn't stop from coming, you just had to let them fall, and there was nothing Tom could do but be with her. Hold her.

Sometimes, it just took one person to care, to make you feel like you were worth something.


	13. I thought I had you

**This is still set in Nikki's house, just so you don't get confused at what's happening. Sorry I haven't been consistent with my updates, I write as I go along, so I never really know what's going to happen next. Also, I'd like to thank everyone for their reviews, I really appreciate the feedback!**

**Ok, so here it is. Unlucky chapter thirteen; and it IS unlucky.**

_I cry for the time that you were almost mine.  
I cry for the memories I've left behind.  
I cry for the pain, the lost, the old, the new.  
I cry for times I thought I had you._

_-Kalyn Lady_

"Here you go." Tom passed her a cup of tea, as Nikki sat on her bed, staring distantly at the floor.

"Thanks." She tried to smile, but there was no happiness inside her. There was nothing inside her. She had just thrown up the entire contents of her stomach, so how could she possibly smile? "I'm sorry for making you come over here so late Tom; I shouldn't have rung you…"

"It's not a problem, really Nikki." He smiled, sitting on the end of the bed next to her, wrapping the blanket over her bare shoulders. "As long as you're okay."

"I'm not okay though. I'll never be okay." She sighed. If she had any tears left, they would fall. But it was like there was no emotion inside of her anymore. Nothing. Nothing but emptiness. Why did she pour her heart out to Tom all the time? Every time he asked her anything, no matter how personal, she would answer. He didn't care about how she felt, no one ever does.

"Can I do anything to change that?" Tom asked, praying there was something he could do, some way he could end her sadness.

She just looked at him.

"Is there?" He asked again, looking deeper into her troubled eyes.

Still no answer.

"Nikki…" He pleaded for her to say something, for a few words to exit her lips. "Please talk to me."

Nikki still said nothing, but her eyes remained firmly fixated on his. Her emotions were muddled. She didn't know what to do, what to say.

"Nikki please…" He begged her to speak to him, to hear her voice. All he wanted was to help her.

She still said absolutely nothing, just looked into his eyes. Tom Clarkson was quite literally perfect, her guardian angel. He looked out for her, whenever she was upset, he was there for her. She couldn't ever lose him. Ever. She finally convinced herself that it would be ok. So she kissed him.

"Nikki, stop. Not like this." He pulled away, holding her hands. "You're upset, I don't want you to regret this."

Her heart shattered. Isn't that what Tom had wanted? Hadn't he always been the one who wanted them to be together, and now he'd changed his mind? She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs, it's destroying me not being with you Tom! I can't take not being with you. It makes me feel so alone when I'm not with you, but you don't care! I can't take it anymore! I can't deal with this on my own. I can't live without you! I love you. I really, really love you.

Instead, she whispered. "Ok."

It was like she'd been stabbed with a knife, the sharp blade being thrust into her stomach as she watched him walk away.

"Goodnight Nikki." He whispered, smiling slightly as he walked off to his car.

Tom sat in his car on his driveway, resting his head on the steering wheel.

"Why didn't you just kiss her back? You bloody fool!" He shouted at himself, wishing he'd just told her how he really felt. Nikki, I need you. I can't live without you. Why is it so hard for us? Why can't we just be together, and be happy? I don't understand why it's so hard. I love you, Nikki. I really, really love you.

"I can't live without you, Tom." She whispered to herself, standing on the roof of her apartment building, right on the very edge, and jumped.


	14. We were special

**Ok, sorry if I scared you in the last chapter, but did you really think I would kill off Nikki? Please read & review and check out my other two stories, it isn't all she's hiding, another Waterloo Road fic, and my Skins fic, Dear diary. ****I apologise in advance for the Skins quotes, I guess I'm a little obsessed.**

Nikki woke up in a cold sweat, shaking. Why did she even think about it? Why did she always think of suicide, whenever anything went wrong? She turned to look at the clock, it was hardly worth sleeping again at half five in the morning when she had to wake up at six for work, so she hauled herself out of bed. The sun was beaming in through her flowered curtains. The weather was perfect, but Nikki's mood wasn't going to change. Alone. Again. She lost Tom, when all she was trying to do was keep him.

She sat in her black mini, searching in her back for a reason not to get out of the car.

"You alright miss?" Josh asked, crouching by the window.

"Josh!" Nikki sounded startled, she forgot about Josh, did he know about her and Tom? "How are you?"

She got out of the car and smiled at him. Josh idolized Nikki, after everything she had done for him and his dad in their time of need.

"I'm alright, you're late though," He laughed, walking off ahead. "And I'm late for my exam."

"Shit, the exam!" Nikki cursed to herself. She had to invigilate the art exam. With Tom.

"Miss Boston, finally decided to grace us with your presence then?" Michael said sarcastically. "Better late than never."

"Sorry Michael." She murmured. As Nikki looked to her side, there he was. Smiling, as if nothing had changed, nothing was different. But it was. Everything was different now. How could they just go on normally, as if nothing had happened, knowing they'd rejected each other? She quickly averted his gaze, turning back to Michael. "When does the exam start again?"

"In fifteen minutes, you better get down to the lunch hall with Tom." Michael smiled as he walked out of the staffroom.

"Nikki, hi." Tom smiled, walking over to her. Why was he being so nice all of a sudden, only last night he completely rejected her.

"Hi." She avoided eye contact. Nikki knew what his eyes could do to her; they made her melt, like she always did whenever she laid eyes on him. But not this time. This time, she was having none of it.

"Listen," Tom pulled her to one side, into an empty classroom. "I'm really sorry about last night…"

"Leave it Tom, I don't want to talk. Not here." She tried to pull away, but he restrained her.

"Please, just listen?" His eyes met with hers. "I'm really sorry Nikki, I truly am. I don't know what got into me, I guess I was, scared?"

"Scared? Seriously Tom, scared? You really, really hurt me." Tears filled up in her eyes. "We were special."

Tom stood back, looking at her distraught expression killed him, but he couldn't look away. He couldn't see her upset, but he couldn't not look at her. He'd hurt the only woman he'd truly loved since Izzy died, and now, he was sure he was going to lose her too.

"Didn't you see? Didn't you see what you did to me?" Nikki broke down, tears rolling down her cheeks. "You made me feel wanted, you made me feel special. When I'm with you, I feel less alone. Less, lonely. I loved you, and you broke my heart. I thought you were different!" She shouted the last part, making Tom feel just as shit as she did. He felt like screaming. I am different Nikki! I'm not like other men, I really do care about you! I really do love you. But he didn't say anything. He couldn't say anything. All he could do was look at how he'd made her feel. She turned to walk away, wiping the tears away with her jumper sleeve.

"Nikki." He grabbed her arm, pulling her back so she was pressed up against the wall. The lust in his eyes overwhelmed her, and the identical look in her eyes made Tom melt. So, he kissed her. His lips interlocking with hers passionately, how he'd wanted to kiss her ever since that night out after the fun run, the night that they were too drunk to remember anything apart from the fact that they were crazy about each other. He wrapped his arms around her waist as they kissed again.

"I love you." Tom whispered in her ear as she kissed his neck.

Nikki said nothing, just smiled, and wrapped her arms around him. This time, she wasn't letting go.


End file.
